Open Hands
by Siskin
Summary: PostAC. Kadaj let himself be absorbed by the Lifestream, but truly letting go might not be as simple. T rating due to flashbacks of violence in AC. Chapter 6!
1. Reception

Open Hands 

Chapter 1: Reception

_How did I get here?_

He closed his eyes. _I don't care. _The sun was warm, the grass he was lying on was soft, and the quiet sound of flowing water was soothing. Even the air smelled good. He'd always hated flowers, their gaudy too-strong odors an offense, but there was a subtle perfume in this place that made him feel calm.

_Did I find Mother? Is she here? I heard her calling me…didn't I?_

He opened his eyes again, and looked around. "Mother?"

There was no answer, but somehow he didn't mind. His pain was gone. The terrible overwhelming urge had left him. It should have been frightening, but it wasn't.

_She must be here. _

He heard a soft footfall in the grass somewhere beyond him, and sat up quickly, looking over his shoulder. "Mother?"

It wasn't Mother. At least, he didn't think so. It was a gray wolf, and he sat still, staring at it. It stared back, then turned and started to trot briskly away. A few yards away the wolf stopped and looked expectantly over its shoulder, tail swinging in a single wag.

Slowly, Kadaj got to his feet, and the wolf started off again. The young man followed.

_-Did you find him?_

_---Yes, easily. Do you think he'll be all right?_

_-I'm not sure. He's carrying a lot of difficult memories. _

_---Can we help him?_

_-It'll take time._

_---Well, we've got plenty of that._

_-Let him rest a while. Then we'll see._

Time didn't seem to pass normally here. Kadaj wasn't sure how long or far he'd walked, following the wolf, but he wasn't tired. At some point the flowery creek bank had developed a smooth dirt-paved path, so he wasn't still slogging through deep grass. The creek had angled away from the path into a line of trees off to his right, and he couldn't see it anymore, although he could still hear it.

He reached the top of a slope, although he hadn't noticed going uphill, and the ground dropped away in a steep cliff. A large tree at its edge shaded the ground where the path dissolved into grass again. The wolf stopped at the edge of the hill and looked back at Kadaj.

"Is Mother down there?" Kadaj asked the wolf, not sure whether to hope for some reply.

The wolf merely turned and started down the hill. Kadaj took a couple of steps after it, but the wolf turned back and trotted close enough to brush against Kadaj's legs, nudging him back toward the tree.

Kadaj frowned. "I don't want to stay here. I want to see Mother."

The wolf nudged his legs again, twice.

"Will I see her if I stay here?"

Tail-wag, and the wolf seemed to grin.

Slowly Kadaj moved into the shade of the tree and sat down. The wolf came over and licked his hand, and suddenly Kadaj felt drowsy. He leaned back against the tree. "…bring Mother?" he murmured. The wolf licked his hand again, and Kadaj heard it quietly padding away as he sank into a peaceful darkness.

_-I'm not what he wants me to be._

_---No, but I don't think it's going to matter. _

_-Healing Cloud was easy. It was only his body. This is harder._

_---I know you can do it. _

_-Where do I begin?_

_---You're asking me? _

_-Well, he doesn't remember. He's going to have to. It's going to be painful._

_---Don't worry. You've got experience with that, remember?_

_"Kadaj." _

The voice prodded him gently out of sleep, and he opened his eyes. The tree and the hilltop were gone. He was sitting in an empty church, on the floor up against a wall.

He turned his head to look at the source of the voice. "Mother?" he whispered.

No one was there. He heard a quiet sound of rippling water, and sunlight beamed quietly in through the windows. _Now where am I? _Slowly he pushed up to his feet.

At the other end of the church, in the direction the pews were facing, there was a pool of water shimmering with the light from the windows. Flowers floated on top. He recoiled a step, suddenly deeply uneasy. The sight of the bright water drained away his calm.

_That shouldn't be here. _

_Have I been here before? _

He turned and walked quickly to the door, but it was locked. He tugged at the latch, but it wouldn't lift. He took a step back and then rammed against it with his shoulder, but hitting the wooden door was like slamming into a stone wall. _What is this?_

He looked over his shoulder. The water glittered at him.

"_Go and look, Kadaj."_

Kadaj spun around, but there was still no one to be seen. "Mother? Do I have to?"

"_Yes, Kadaj."_

He glanced at the water again, wincing at the glare from its surface. _I don't like it. _But he walked forward anyway, hearing the dull clump of his boots on the wooden boards. The pool of water just sat there, glimmering, the flowers drifting. _I feel like it might jump up and pull me in._

He reached the edge of it and very carefully knelt beside it. He looked down and saw his own reflection, silvery hair hanging over his face, obscuring all but the wide left eye. Wide, green, and human, with a round pupil. His mouth dropped open.

_What?_

He reached up with one hand, touching his cheek below his left eye to see if it was really his face showing in the water. The water reflected the gesture, along with his slack-jawed expression. He closed his mouth.

Suddenly the glare on the water flashed so brightly that he winced and shielded his eyes with his arm. "Hn!" The flash receded, and after a moment he lowered his hand, blinking.

He was no longer in the church. He was outdoors, and overhead a storm was just clearing away, a light rain beginning to fall. He stared at the two figures on the ground nearby.

_Me. It's me._

The other Kadaj lay against Brother's shoulder, sapped of strength, staring up at the weeping sky. He smiled faintly and lifted his hand, started to sit up… and dissolved gently into a green mist that spiraled slowly away to mingle with the clouds until it faded from sight. Brother stood up, gazing upward with a calm expression. He closed his eyes.

…_That's what happened? I…? Brother…? Then where— _

**Crack.**

Kadaj jumped, startled, and saw Brother crumple forward, eyes wide, mouth open. He looked off to the left and saw Loz and Yazoo, staggering, barely staying on their feet.

"We all go together," he heard Yazoo mumble, his gun falling from his hand. The drops of rain made that same green mist swirl up from his brothers, but they fought it, their Materia gleaming brightly.

_Loz… Yazoo…_

Brother stumbled to his feet, turned, and rushed toward them with a shout, the tip of his sword dragging the ground as he expended the last of his strength. Before he reached them, however, an enormous explosion filled Kadaj's vision. He flinched.

"NO!"

Kadaj struck out wildly, and his hand plunged into warm water, splashing it in his face. He jerked back, dashing the water from his eyes with shaking fingers. He was back in the church, staring with a hammering heart down at the pool where ripples spread from the impact of his fist. The flowers bobbed on the tiny waves.

Still kneeling, he buried his face in his hands. _They're gone..._

_I'm alone.  
_


	2. Reflection

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy not mine. Kadaj not mine, which is a good thing because otherwise I'd slap him around for being so hard to write. Also, for the record, I do not condone cruelty to animals; obviously, the Remnants are not as nice as I am.

---

Open Hands

**Chapter 2: Reflection**

---

Kadaj rocked slowly back and forth on his heels, his harsh, irregular breaths echoing faintly up in the eaves of the church. He kept his eyes closed even after the brief but intense spasm of pain passed.

_I've failed. I've failed Mother. _

He surged back to his feet and started to pace restlessly, arms wrapped around himself, moving away from the glimmering pool.

…_Am I being punished?_

That idea froze him in his tracks, and for a few moments he stood motionless, eyes wide open, expecting…something. He wasn't sure what. A ball of flame? A sword from above? Some acid poison boiling up from the floor to consume him—a waste product, no longer worthy to exist—and reduce him to nothing? All his worst fears came yammering up at the back of his mind, and he hunched his shoulders, braced for a blow.

But nothing happened. The water behind him rippled softly. Dust motes floated gently in the crisscrossing beams of light and tickled his nose and throat when he inhaled. A floorboard creaked slightly under his feet when he finally shifted his weight. And slowly he felt the subtle scent and the placid quiet of the place pervading him again, loosening his rigid muscles, steadying his breathing, gradually smoothing away the fear and restoring calm.

He sat down cross-legged on the floor again, and tried to collect his wits, thinking about what he'd seen in the pool.

He closed his eyes, trying to call back his last moments. He remembered flinging himself off the ledge…freeing Mother at last.

_Falling… and fearful pain…_

"_You can let go now…everyone's waiting."_

Yes, and the voice calling him. He'd been so sure it was Mother.

Then…nothing. After hearing the voice, he'd awakened by the stream.

Kadaj opened his eyes and looked around again. He frowned. _I remember this place now. I fought Brother here. _Fought, then fled when the water suddenly surged up from the floor in a geyser, the droplets stinging his skin and burning his eyes.

He winced and glanced apprehensively over his shoulder, but the pool just glimmered peaceably.

_All right… I'm in the Lifestream. So why am I in this place?_

He'd fought Brother here, but there was no one here to fight now. He'd tried the door and he couldn't get out.

"Mother?" he said tentatively. "What do I do?"

He waited, but this time the voice didn't speak.

The only thing here that had really seemed to respond to his presence was—

Kadaj grimaced and looked over his shoulder again. He got up and paced slowly back toward the pool. He crouched next to it.

"I want to see Mother," he said firmly.

He had just long enough to start feeling impatient, and then the pool flashed again. He was ready for it, and shut his eyes.

---

When he opened them, he blinked a few times in the sudden darkness.

He was standing at the top of an incline much like the place where he'd fallen asleep by the tree. Laid out below, like a jeweled carpet, were the lights of a city.

_No…not a city… _A camp. The lights flickered—firelight. A gentle breeze touched his face and ruffled his hair. It had the chill of autumn, and brought the scent of wood smoke and something savory cooking, and voices: conversation, laughter, and singing.

There was the faintest breath of a whisper in his ear. "_Go."_

As strangely appealing as the rustic settlement was, Kadaj was irritated. He was starting to lose patience with this voice that told him where to go and what to do but didn't tell him what he wanted to know. If it wasn't Mother, then why should he listen?

He folded his arms. "No. I said I wanted to see Mother."

"_You will."_

He stared down into the settlement, not sure whether to believe it. _I don't have much choice, I suppose. _He ventured down the hill.

---

In spite of the almost total lack of technology, it was much like any other town he'd passed through with his brothers. Children chased each other among the tents; adults stirred cooking pots, played instruments, and danced as others cheered and laughed. The people he passed didn't seem to see him. No one looked up or spoke to him as he approached the edges of the camp.

_They aren't real, _he challenged.

"_They once were real," _came the reply. _"Now they are only a memory."_

He paced into the camp, ignored even by the dogs that sniffed around for scraps. Kadaj hated dogs; most of the ones he'd encountered in his life had taken exception to his presence and barked madly at him and his brothers…the ones Yazoo hadn't used for target practice, anyway. Any dog that barked at Yazoo would soon have to learn to walk on only its hind legs. These dogs didn't even acknowledge his presence with a sniff.

The good cheer of the scene might have warmed anyone else, but it only compounded Kadaj's irritation. All very pretty, but it wasn't getting him anywhere. "Where—"

The sky went ablaze.

Night became fiery midday, and Kadaj flinched, clapping his hands over his stinging eyes. Then he felt the rumble in the earth, a catastrophic crash that was felt, not heard. It traveled through his feet into his bones, and then the ground lurched and hurled him down.

As the ground seemed to ripple under him, rolling violently, he heard the people screaming. The sound drove into his ears like spikes.

Gasping, eyes screwed shut, he moved his hands over his ears, but it didn't block out the cries—like the crash they seemed to travel through his bones, reverberating behind his eyes.

"_The calamity from the sky."_

He seemed to hear the voice not above, but below the chaos of screams and the earthquake. He turned his head toward it—

He was sprawled on the ground, back on the cliff. The earthquake was over, and it was another starlit, moonless night, but he could see a glow far, far away. Slowly he pushed himself up to his knees.

The camp was destroyed. Tents were crushed and collapsed, and great cracks had opened in the earth. He could see a few motionless shapes that had once been human.

He pushed himself to his feet—

And staggered backward, abruptly finding himself on the very brink of an icy cliff. He fell back again, wincing, and looked around, angry and confused.

He was on the edge of the Northern Crater. The entirely new Northern Crater, its edges jagged and fresh…and suddenly he heard the screams again.

_Not the people… the planet._

The Lifestream was surging and rushing from the fresh wound like blood. And at the bottom of the crater…

_Mother!_

He scrambled forward and pitched over the edge of the cliff.

Instead of a rough tumbling fall down the long slope, he seemed to fall a short distance through empty space; but his impact with the ground was as hard as if he'd fallen much farther. Stunned, he groaned and rolled onto his back.

Mother was standing over him, immense and hideous and beautiful. Beyond her—

He gasped.

Yazoo and Loz. Pale, still, and silent, frozen inside huge, clear chunks of ice that were incongruous with the snow and shattered stone rubble littering the bottom of the crater.

Mother looked down at him. She smiled.

And suddenly he was terrified. His throat seemed to have a lump in it the size of his fist. He couldn't get his breath. He tried to sit up, but he couldn't move. "…Mother?" he whispered.

She raised her hand, and he felt the ice creeping up around him… up along his ankles, over his knees…toward his shoulders…compressing his chest…approaching his face…

_No!_

He wrenched with all his strength… and felt the ice shatter just before he was plunged into blackness again.

---

_-Well… that's progress._

_---I know you didn't like doing that, but he's really singleminded, isn't he?_

_-**Yes.** _

_---Ha. If he can test even _your_ patience…_

_-Perish the thought. I think he's moved beyond where he needs to be contained, though. Now he needs guidance._

_--Oh, don't tell me…_

_-No, it doesn't need to be you. In fact, I have someone else in mind._

_---…Okay, you may look innocent, but that's just evil. He's really going to _love_ that._

_-Which one?_

_---Both._

_-You're probably right. But let's try it._

_---You're the boss._

---

Kadaj lay curled up in a fetal position, arms over his face, still shivering. He heard the quiet ripple of water, and opened his eyes, expecting to be back in the church yet again.

Instead, he found himself lying on the ground near the entrance to the Forgotten City.

It was daylight, and the sun glittered through the leaves above onto the lake. A light breeze brought a quiet whispering from the trees.

"Nice choice."

Kadaj sat up abruptly and twisted toward the voice.

Brother was leaning casually against a tree nearby, arms folded. He smirked faintly.

"It's about time."

---

**End Chapter 2**

---

A/N: Kadaj switches locations a couple of times in the blink of an eye as Aeris is showing him the Cetra and the coming of Jenova. I hope it wasn't too confusing.


	3. Revelation

Disclaimer: As usual, FFVII and its characters, etc. are Square Enix's and not mine. Kadaj got covered with elbow grease in the unsticking of this chapter, but I got him to the dry cleaner's in time.

---

Open Hands

**Chapter 3: Revelation**

---

Kadaj stared for a few moments, and then slowly rose to his feet. His lip curled. "Now I _know_ I'm being punished," he said sourly.

"Nice to see you too. But I suppose I can forgive the rudeness, considering that I killed you."

Kadaj snarled, and reached for Souba…but it was gone, sheath and all. He wasn't sure he was surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm just here to tell you a few things you might not know," Brother said casually.

"Cheh." Kadaj turned his back and kicked a small stone into the bright blue water. He watched the ripples. "What could you know that would be of any use to me?"

"I know where Yazoo and Loz are."

Kadaj froze.

"I also know why they aren't with you…and I know how you could get them back. If you wanted to."

Kadaj turned halfway around, looking over his shoulder at Brother. Brother was looking thoughtfully up at the patches of blue sky that peeked between the treetops.

…_Get them back?_

Finally Brother shrugged and sighed. "Well, if you're not interested, I guess I'm wasting my time." He pushed away from the tree and started to walk off in the direction of the Sleeping Forest.

_Is he playing games with me? _Kadaj thought suspiciously, watching.

…No, it certainly looked like Brother was leaving.

"…Where are they?" Kadaj blurted out.

Brother slowed to a stop. He turned his head, not quite looking over his shoulder. "They're trapped."

Kadaj felt his skin crawl. In his mind's eye he saw Loz and Yazoo again, encased in ice. Frozen…silent…

_Mother looming over him, smiling…the ice pressing the breath from his lungs…_

Kadaj shook off the image with a jerk of his head. _It's a lie! _he thought angrily.

…but he'd seen Yazoo and Loz die in the explosion. If they were dead, like him, then why _weren't _they with him?

…Wait a minute. Brother had been in the explosion too, so—

Kadaj turned fully around. "Did you die, too?" he demanded.

Brother turned and started back, looking amused. "You wish."

"You're not really here, then." Kadaj turned his back again. "This is just another trick."

He heard Brother sigh. Brother passed behind Kadaj and leaned against a boulder on the shore of the lake. The scabbard on his back scraped against the stone. "I am really here. Just not in the way you are."

_What's that supposed to mean? _"You're boring me with this nonsense," Kadaj said testily.

"If you don't believe I'm Cloud, then I guess you don't believe I know how to save Yazoo and Loz, either."

Kadaj snorted to hide his twinge of worry and pain. "Save them from what? They're dead," he said bitterly. "What more can happen to them?"

"You're dead, too. Plenty's happening to you."

…_all right, he has a point._

Kadaj turned slowly to face Brother. "What's going to happen to them? And why _isn't_ it going to happen to me?"

Brother looked Kadaj back directly in the eye. "They're going to be rejected from the Lifestream. Imprisoned, so they can't hurt the Planet anymore. The same thing happened to Sephiroth after I killed him—the first time—but he managed to break free." Brother shook his head slowly, his blue eyes fixed on Kadaj's. "Loz and Yazoo can't; they're not strong enough."

Kadaj stared at Brother, mouth open.

"Even though Loz and Yazoo didn't manage to start the second Reunion, like you did, they still did a lot of damage, and would've done more."

Kadaj closed his mouth. _The second Reunion? I didn't fail, then…Sephiroth really came. _

_I didn't fail. Sephiroth did. He came back… and Brother defeated him again._

He should have been furious that Mother's plans hadn't been carried out. Instead…

_Sephiroth. I didn't want Mother to love you more than me. I guess she doesn't, now that you've failed her twice…._

It didn't feel as good as it should have, though.

_Yazoo and Loz should be here…to laugh at Sephiroth with me, at least…_

"Why does the Lifestream want to reject them and not me? I'm the one who brought Sephiroth back."

Brother chuckled, and Kadaj glared at him. "Don't make that ugly face at me," Brother said mildly. "And to answer your question…someone took a good long look at you and decided you were worth saving."

Kadaj stared at him. "…Who?"

Brother smiled slightly. "You'll meet her sooner or later."

_Her? Mother? _But Brother wouldn't smile and talk about Jenova. Kadaj scowled. "Tell me," he growled.

"She'll tell you herself…if it turns out she was right about you." Brother stood up with another scrape of his scabbard against the stone. "You came pretty close to sharing their fate anyway…but you decided you wanted to stay free."

"Free?"

"Free. You are, you know. You don't exist for Jenova anymore, or for Sephiroth. You're just yourself—Kadaj."

Kadaj looked away, disturbed. _When I first woke here, I felt light…like I'd been carrying something heavy and it was gone. _He'd always felt a need when he was alive, a craving that was never satisfied and burned inside him like a lit coal. He'd always assumed that once he found Mother and brought Sephiroth back, that burning would go away.

It was gone…but it had left him directionless. Not only was he alone, he was lost. For the first time, he didn't know what to do. _I didn't know it would be like this…_

"You're free, Kadaj," Brother said again quietly. "_You_ decide who you are now. You can keep fighting me, just because you were before…or you can take a chance and listen to me. It's your choice now, of course…even if you choose not to listen."

Kadaj turned toward the water, looking at its shimmering surface, in order to hide his growing distress. _What does he mean, decide who I am? I'm dead; isn't it too late for that?_

"_Not quite yet."_

Kadaj flinched, startled; the warm, amused male voice behind him wasn't Brother's. He turned around, but there was still only Brother, leaning against the rock, waiting in composed silence. If he'd heard the third voice, he wasn't showing it.

"_Just think about what you want. Right now, that's what matters."_

The voice was behind him again; Kadaj turned toward it again, but saw what he was expecting this time—nothing, just the water rippling. _What _I _want?_

Kadaj closed his eyes.

_I did what I was supposed to. It's done. It's not my fault it didn't work._

_Sephiroth failed. I can laugh at him now. All that time trying to bring him back, and he was too weak even to win against Brother. _

_Mother's not here. She's not the one who called me. I want to know who did._

Kadaj smirked very faintly. _And as charming as Big Brother's company is, it's not the company I want. _The smirk faded. _I don't want to be here alone. I want…_

"I want my brothers back."

---

_-Thank you._

_---Don't thank me yet. You're not at the end of the road with him._

_-I know. _

_---Are you sure he's worth it? _

_-What do _you _think?_

_---I think you're letting yourself in for a major headache._

_-Wouldn't be the first time…_

_---Did you _have _to say that?_

_-All right, all right. You weren't so difficult. _

_---_Thank _you. Will you need me again?_

_-I'm not sure, but you'll know. I'll call you._

_---I'll be ready._

_-All right._

_---I miss you. I can't help it._

_-There's nothing wrong with that. As long as—_

_---I don't shut everything else out. I know. I won't._

_-Take care of everyone._

_---I will._

---

**End Chapter 3**

---


	4. Interlude 1

Disclaimer: The usual. I do not own Cloud or Kadaj, the other characters, the Highwind, or even Vincent's shiny pointy shoes.

---   
Open Hands

**Interlude 1**

---

The bar was packed.

Tifa was hurrying from table to table. Fortunately, most of the customers seemed to be in good spirits. _Survival high, I guess, _she thought. It'd been a couple of weeks since the plague ended, and they were fairly sure all of the remaining Geostigma victims had been cured. _Just having Geostigma gone is plenty to celebrate…most of them don't really even know the rest of the story._

She was filling a customer's order when she felt a tug on her skirt. "Tifa?"

She looked down. Marlene was standing there in her pajamas, barefoot, her brown hair loose around her face. "Marlene! You're supposed to be in bed!"

Marlene was frowning, her wide eyes too serious for a six-year-old's. "I know. But Cloud's talking in his sleep. I heard him from my room. I think something's the matter with him."

Tifa frowned, with a sinking heart. Things had been peaceful since Cloud had moved back in. _It's quiet—a little too quiet, I think the old saw goes. What is it now? _

She sighed. _Maybe he's just getting sick. He goes out in all weathers, after all, and sometimes he plays bouncer in here until almost closing time, even after a full day's work. A fever's something I can deal with, even if I have to threaten him to get him to stay in bed!_

Tifa mustered a smile for Marlene. "Let's go back upstairs, honey, and I'll check on him."

---

Tifa got Marlene back into bed, and then came to the doorway of Cloud's room. She stepped in softly and came closer, but he didn't stir. He lay on his side facing the door, apparently sleeping soundly, but the sheet was partially twisted around his waist and dangling over the edge of the bed as if he'd been tossing and turning. She laid a hand very lightly on his forehead, but it was cool.

He inhaled deeply. She drew her hand back and stepped away, ready to slip out again, but he didn't wake up. He rolled onto his back, a frown creasing his forehead. He mumbled something she couldn't make out, and then subsided, easing back into a deeper sleep. She watched him for a few moments, and then turned quietly away, moving toward the door.

She was in the doorway with her hand on the doorjamb when she heard him speak, very softly but much more clearly.

"Are you sure he's worth it?"

Tifa jumped a little and looked over her shoulder. She turned, and slowly walked back to his bedside. He said nothing more, and his face was quiet and composed. A tiny smile played over his lips, then faded.

"Cloud?" she whispered.

He stirred, frowned faintly, and opened his eyes. They focused on Tifa and widened a little, and he sat up. "Tifa? What's wrong? What time is it?" He rubbed his eyes with one hand, and reached over to turn on the light beside his bed.

Tifa relaxed. He looked fine, and he sounded far too calm to have been having a nightmare. "Just after eleven. Marlene heard you talking in your sleep…she wanted me to come check on you."

Cloud lowered his eyes from hers, and his face took on a very familiar inward expression. After a moment it turned to a puzzled frown. "That was…strange," he muttered.

"Were you dreaming?"

He nodded. "I was in the Forgotten Capitol…talking to Kadaj."

Tifa raised her eyebrows. "Talking? Not fighting? Talking about what?"

"It's fading now." He rubbed his eyes again. "I think I was trying to convince him to do something, but I don't remember what."

"Was anyone else there?"

Cloud smiled slightly after a moment. "Aeris was there. Making fun of me for being a pain, I think."

Tifa smiled back at him, concealing her pleased surprise. _He can talk about her and smile. That's a big improvement over a few weeks ago. _"Well, since you're all right, I'd better get back downstairs." She turned toward the door. "If you can get back into your dream, you can tell Aeris I said you turned out not to be such a pain after all."

The quiet reply came just as she stepped through the doorway. "I will."

Tifa blinked and looked over her shoulder, just as the light clicked out and she heard him settle back down.

_All right, I'm not sure what that was all about… _She pulled the door shut behind her slowly, thinking; then she shrugged and nodded firmly. _But I think it's a good thing. _

She went back to work smiling.

**---**

**End Interlude 1**

**---**

A/N: Sorry this took so long, and I know it's very short. Vacation wound up being a vacation from writing as well, but I'm getting back on the Chocobo now! Next update should be MUCH quicker, especially now that I managed to slip Kadaj those drugs—er. Ahem. Never you mind, just see you next chapter!


	5. Resolve

Disclaimer: As usual, FFVII and its characters, etc. are Square Enix's and not mine. Kadaj hated this chapter. Aeris snickered through most of the writing.

---

Open Hands

**Chapter 4: Resolve**

---

Kadaj was getting cross.

After Brother had gone, the wolf had appeared again and led Kadaj off into the Sleeping Forest. Kadaj thought he might actually have slept a while there—he wasn't really sure. But the next clear thing in his memory was the wolf leading him toward a clearing. He'd climbed a hill to get to the opening in the trees, and the full sunlight had fallen in his face, blinding him for a moment—

Then he'd suddenly stepped out onto a busy city sidewalk.

It'd startled him badly. He'd grabbed for Souba, but of course it wasn't there. People had looked at him oddly and walked wide around him. He'd looked back from where he'd come. It was a dead-end alleyway.

He understood the message, even if the method of delivery had been annoying. _No going back._

He'd eventually stepped out onto the sidewalk and followed the flow of the pedestrians. The wolf had disappeared; he didn't have anything else to guide him. He couldn't identify the city. He supposed it didn't matter.

Following the crowd had still gotten him nowhere. He'd finally jerked himself free of their sheeplike slow-motion stampede to sit down for a minute on a deserted bus stop bench. Since then, he'd been sitting there, watching traffic and pedestrians pass, and growing angrier.

_First they get Brother to tell me that Loz and Yazoo are in some terrible danger and I have to save them before it's too late… and now they cut me loose in this ridiculous illusion and let me cool my heels? What the hell do they want me to do? _

He heard footsteps, and glanced over to see a mother and a little girl standing by the bus stop sign. The little girl looked at the bench and tugged her mother's hand, but the mother glanced nervously at Kadaj and shook her head, gripping her daughter's hand more tightly. The girl sighed, shifted her weight, and looked at Kadaj.

Kadaj glowered back, but the little girl didn't seem intimidated. Suddenly the mother patted her coat pocket, and her mouth dropped open. "The bus pass!" She let go of the girl's hand, hefted up a rather large purse and starting to rummage through it. The little girl, momentarily unfettered, glanced at her mother to gauge her distraction; then she tiptoed over and sat on the other end of Kadaj's bench. She set her sneakered feet neatly together and looked at him.

Kadaj looked away. _Just another of their games. I'm not interested in playing, thank you. She'll probably say something cryptic and then disappear. If Someone wants to tell me something, why don't they just come along and say it themselves? _He scowled at the grayish sky.

"Mister?" The girl was whispering, trying not to attract her mother's notice.

Kadaj grunted unwelcomingly and folded his arms.

"Mister, why are you wearing a dress?"

Kadaj's jaw dropped, and he turned a glare on the girl that would have had Loz's lip trembling. _All right, Someone out there is going to pay for that. _"It's _not,_" he hissed, "a _dress._"

The girl pouted back easily. "It _looks_ like one."

Kadaj stood up and turned, towering over the little pink-jumpered figure on the bench, brushing the legs of his—admittedly loose—pants into place. "See?"

"_Lyddie!" _The girl was abruptly hauled off the bench by her mother; the woman backed the ten paces to the bus stop sign, scowling at Kadaj. "You stay away from my daughter!"

Kadaj gritted his teeth. _None of this is real. This is just someone's idea of a pathetic joke. _He glared back at the woman, who held her purse as if weighing its value as a bludgeoning weapon. The bus lumbered up, and the woman vanished into it, trailed by the girl's thin protests. "But Mom, we were just _talking_…" The driver glanced at Kadaj, who dropped heavily back onto the bench. The driver shrugged, and the bus labored on up the road in a cloud of exhaust.

_Why should that bother me? It's not the first time something like that has happened. When Loz and Yazoo and I passed through towns, looking for Brother and Mother, people always looked at us like that. They'd run away when they saw us coming. We laughed at them and told each other they'd run even faster once we found Mother._

Kadaj leaned his elbows on his knees and his head on his hands, letting the illusions of the city float past him unheeded. He closed his eyes.

_They hate what they fear, and they destroy what they hate, so we were going to destroy them first. We always knew they hated us._

_So why should it hurt?_

---

_---I was right. You really _are _evil. Do you _really _want to help this guy?_

_-Actually, most of that came from him._

_---Really? _

_-I did say "most". _

_---All right, then. But he's not going to take the hint._

_-I didn't really think he would. But I thought I'd give him the chance. And I wanted to see what he would come up with. He has some crude control, but only over others. I'd guess the concept of changing himself is alien to him._

_---About what I'd expect. Y'know, given the whole "resurrect Sephiroth and take over the Planet" thing._

_-He's never had a reason to change himself. He never had to grow up to find his own place in the world, because he was only a placeholder for Sephiroth. _

_---…When you say it like that, you almost make _me _feel sorry for him. Almost._

_-Oh, he isn't the one you should feel sorry for._

_--Why do I not like the sound of that?_

_-He's got to learn how this is going to work._

_---I _really _don't like the sound of that._

_-Cloud can't bail you out this time._

_---I knew I didn't like the sound of that. Do I _have _to?_

_-He needs you._

_---Oh, don't give me that look…all right. All right! You know me; you knew I'd do it. Don't get all smug, you didn't talk me into _anything.

_-Of course not._

_---I better not see that smug look when I get back. _

_-Be careful._

_---Don't worry…I'm a professional. Don't ask "professional _what_…"_

---

"Hey."

Kadaj jumped, and stood up.

A young man stood casually near the bench, hands in the pockets of his long gray coat. Black hair was slicked back from his forehead and caught in a shoulder-length tail at the back of his neck.

Kadaj suddenly realized he was shivering in an autumnlike chill. He looked around. He'd arrived in this place—_illusion—_in what had looked like midafternoon. Now the last few shreds of the sunset traced the tops of the buildings. Down in the street, the gloom of post-twilight had already fallen; the streetlights were on, and the pedestrian and vehicle traffic had thinned.

The young man still stood with his hands casually in his pockets, looking at Kadaj. "Little nippy, isn't it?"

Kadaj stared at him. "What do you want?"

"I'm Zack. I was looking for you. If you want someone to show you the way around, that's me." He flashed a sudden magnetic smile. It didn't put Kadaj at ease at all. "C'mon. We should talk someplace warmer. You had dinner yet?"

Suddenly Kadaj recognized the voice. He scowled. "I'm dead. I don't need food." _He was there. He spoke when I was talking to Brother. I didn't see him, but I heard him. _"Neither do you."

Zack shrugged. "So, it doesn't mean I don't miss it sometimes. Come on. Your little dream world here is making _me _freeze."

Kadaj blinked. "My…"

The young man lifted his arms, encompassing the city streets with a wave. "Sure. This setting was your choice. Why, did you think somebody else stuck this on you?"

Kadaj gritted his teeth. _What kind of idiot does he think I am? _"Of course they did. I'm not controlling any of this."

Zack smiled. "You may not think you are, but you are. So why don't we go someplace you think is warm? Preferably a restaurant. Come on. Your choice, my treat."

---

_-Well, how am I doing?_

_---I think you're doing just fine. _

_-Do _you_ think I'm doing the right thing?_

_---Yes. I was surprised, but—yes. I'm very interested to see what sort of young man is hiding inside him. Not to mention his brothers. _

_-I wanted to ask you…_

_---Yes?_

_-Well…what can be done for them? Can they make it back?_

_---Maybe. None of them has their predecessor's power. Only the youngest comes close. _

_-I can heal the older two. The youngest…_

_---Yes, that's a bit more complicated. _

_-I'm not sure what he wants._

_---I don't think he is, either. He isn't thinking past saving his brothers. But at least he's thinking beyond himself. That's more than you had to begin with._

_-That's true._

_I can help if you get in over your head, but I don't think you will. _

_-What if we really can't help him?_

_---Then you'll know that it couldn't be done. _

---

_This is ridiculous. _Kadaj glared across the diner table at his erstwhile guide, who was polishing off a large chocolate chip cookie. _I don't understand a word he's been saying. To help Loz, I have to go _into _his mind? How can I even do that? _

Kadaj grimaced as he felt his mouth water. He'd never cared that much about food, only eating when it was necessary to keep his strength up, never paying much attention to the taste of it. _But damn it, he's making _me _hungry now! _

He stopped on that thought. _He says I'm controlling all this myself. Well, if I really am, then I ought to be able to change that, right? _Kadaj clenched his teeth. He wasn't sure how to go about it, but he closed his fists slowly, and tried to make the delicious smells wafting from the diner's kitchen go away.

For a moment, nothing happened. Then it was as if he'd suddenly caught a cold. The odors were gone. The room had no smell at all.

Zack stopped chewing, swallowed, looked ruefully at the last bite of his cookie, and laid it on the plate. He looked up, one dark eyebrow raised. "You're starting to get the idea. But do you really have to take all of it away?"

Kadaj frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"If you don't like how the food smells, you could just keep yourself from smelling it. You don't have to make it stop smelling at all."

"What's the difference?" Kadaj folded his arms. In spite of himself, he felt a little smug. "It worked."

"The difference is that where we're going to go, that isn't going to work."

Kadaj rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes. Into Loz's mind."

"Into the reality he's projected for himself," Zack corrected him again, with a sigh. "In that place, _he _controls the reality. If you don't make an effort to fit into it, he'll just ignore you. That's if you're lucky."

"And if I'm not?"

"Well, in a worst-case scenario, he might see your presence as an attack, and fight back."

Kadaj smirked. "Loz would fight _me_? Even if he would, he'd lose."

Zack shook his head, sighing and running a hand into his dark hair. "That's not the point, Kadaj. For one thing, I'm not talking about a physical fight. It would be a mental attack. Even if it didn't hurt you, you'd be ejected from his reality—and then he'd be on guard against you. I doubt you'd be able to get back in."

_Oh… _Kadaj stared down at the table. The clatter of dishes, the sizzling of the cooking food he couldn't smell, and voices of the other diners faded into a background buzz in his mind.

_I only get one chance at this? Is that what he's saying?_

The bell on the door jangled as a customer left; Zack glanced up, and then turned his attention back to Kadaj.

"Kadaj, you're going to have to make the same choice you did with Cloud--to listen to me, or not. You can't have it both ways. You've come too far to start digging your heels in now." Zack leaned back in his seat and folded his arms. "What's it gonna be?"

Kadaj looked up and found Zack's eyes fixed intently on him. "I said I want them back," he snapped. "And I'm going to get them back, no matter what you say!"

He expected to be contradicted, but Zack just smiled and rapped on the table. "Good. Then do what you have to do instead of whining about it. We don't have time to waste, so let's go." He pulled some gil out of his pocket, dropped it on the table, and headed for the door. After an open-mouthed moment, Kadaj got up quickly and followed him.

_Yazoo…Loz…wait for me. I'm coming._

**---**

**End Chapter 4**

**---**

A/N: Okay, so that was still a little long (over 2 months… --;) But it could be worse! Yes, this is actually Chapter 4; the Interlude doesn't really count. I'm thinking about taking it out, instead of continuing to put one in every three chapters. Thoughts? Let me know.


	6. Rescue

Disclaimer: As usual, FFVII and its characters, etc. are Square Enix's and not mine.

Warnings: None this chapter unless there's some mild language I forgot about.

--

Open Hands

**Chapter 5: Rescue**

--

_-How is it coming?_

_--I think he's almost ready. He's not stupid. Once he stopped whining long enough to listen, he caught on quickly. _

_-Good. We're starting to run low on time. Yazoo is sinking fast._

_--Wouldn't it be better to go for him first, then?_

_-No. I'm even more certain that it's going to take both of them to get through to him. _

_--Can you do anything for him?_

_-I've been trying, but every move I make makes him more suspicious. I don't dare interfere any more, or he might not even let Loz and Kadaj close enough to help him. _

_--Great. Well, I'll spring a quick test on Kadaj and then we'll go in after Loz._

_-Good. As quickly as you can. Loz wants out, I think; he just doesn't know the way. _

_--All right. Wish me luck._

--

Kadaj stared moodily into the mirror. From the illusory diner, they'd walked down the street to an apartment building. Unlike anything else in this city he'd supposedly conjured, he recognized the dingy efficiency apartment. He and Loz and Yazoo had stayed here for several days once while gathering information about Shin-Ra and Brother. He'd even found a key in his pocket when he and Zack had approached the front door. Convenient.

The mirror on the splintery bathroom door was cracked and warped, but it still showed his reflection plainly enough. Including the normal, human green eyes. He'd thought that might have been a trick of the pool in the church—something that mysterious Someone had wanted him to see. _But if I'm seeing it here, where supposedly I decide what exists…_

Kadaj slowly reached up to touch his own cheek, staring. Then he jerked his hand down into a fist. _It doesn't mean anything. Nothing important. What's important is rescuing Loz and Yazoo._

Kadaj shut his eyes. He was supposed to be "practicing", while Zack was away doing whatever Zack was doing. Talking to God, maybe. Kadaj smirked, and opened his eyes. _All right. You want me to make myself look like someone else? How about this?_

A few minutes later, Kadaj heard a key in the apartment door, and smirked wider. He ran a hand lightly down his side, touching the long Masamune sword that now hung in a sheath on his hip. He drew it slowly, and as the door opened, he turned.

To Kadaj's immense disappointment, Zack merely raised his eyebrows at seeing Sephiroth in front of him. "Not bad," he said, closing the door behind him and folding his arms. "Interesting choice. But do you think it's going to convince Loz to talk to you?"

Irritated, Kadaj let the illusion slip; the sword faded from his hand. "Why wouldn't he talk to me if I just look like I normally do?"

"He might. But he might not. It depends on what sort of world he's created for himself. You're going to have to adapt to whatever surroundings he's chosen, and you're going to have to do it quickly." Kadaj saw Zack smirk slightly. "Like this."

--

There was no further warning. Suddenly he was falling. Headfirst, through a gray sky, wind rushing and popping in his ears…and far below, he could see the city. Growing larger every instant.

For a few moments, his mind seized up in panic and shock. _He's going to kill me!_

A large gray bird was circling below him.

_So, what are you waiting for? _a familiar voice said smugly. _Adapt to your environment._

_What am I supposed to do?! _ he screamed back silently, the ground rushing up toward him.

_Well, I suggest doing something that'll keep you from smashing into a pulp; whatever it is, you'd better do it quick. _The cool, detached amusement in the smooth voice was rather alarming.

The bird below Kadaj stopped circling and did a distinct barrel roll, and a light clicked on in Kadaj's head. He squeezed his eyes shut.

A moment later, his tumble turned into a stoop, and then a soaring ascent. Two birds—one grey, one black—flew toward a high building. They lighted on the roof.

Zack reverted to human form, sitting casually on the roof ledge. He was still in the grey suit, but his long, unruly hair was loose from its ponytail and stood wildly out. He ran his hand through it and grinned. "That was fun."

Kadaj, perched on the roof ledge, glared at Zack with the darkest expression he could muster. "I hate you."

--

Back at the apartment, Kadaj slumped in one of the rickety chairs.

"Are you ready?" Zack said quietly.

Kadaj glowered at him. "No."

Zack leaned against the wall. "Yes, you are. Or at least, you're as ready as you're probably going to be. It's time to go and get Loz."

Kadaj unfolded from the chair. "What am I going to have to turn into now? A chimpanzee?"

Zack gave him an austere smile that reminded Kadaj very strongly of his wolf form. "Hey, you never know. But seriously, you're ready. You reacted quickly when I tested you, and you didn't have any trouble getting into a suitable form, even if I did give you a big clue. You know Loz better than I do. You'll know better than I will what will make him listen to you." Zack crossed the room and laid his hand on the doorknob.

Kadaj looked at him glumly. "What do we have to do? Click our heels together and say the magic words?"

Zack rolled his eyes. "Cut the four-year-old act. Remember what I told you about adapting. You're about to walk into a world that Loz controls. Mostly. The first thing you're going to have to do is—"

"Watch and listen, all right," Kadaj snapped. "Now can we go?"

Zack only smiled, opened the door—which appeared to open into opaque darkness, rather than onto a city street—and gestured Kadaj to go first.

Kadaj stared out for a moment, and then stepped through.

--

It was a similar city, but not the same.

Kadaj tried to conceal his nervousness as he walked. Everything seemed out of proportion. The buildings and doors were too large. The streets were too wide; passing cars moved too fast. Noises were too loud; the passing people were all considerably taller and larger than he was, and talked loudly enough to hurt his ears, though none of them paid any attention to him.

He could no longer see Zack, but he knew the other man was with him; he could sense him somewhere nearby. He walked quickly along the too-large streets, looking around for Loz.

Kadaj heard voices, and turned instinctively toward them. Across the street he saw a park, separated from the street by a high, rather forbidding-looking metal fence. There were children playing in the park. Kadaj hurried across the street—trying not to scuttle—and walked around the fence until he found a gate. He pushed it open.

The park seemed more comfortable. Things were the right size; even when the children shouted and screeched in their play, it didn't seem to bother him like the noises outside the fence had. The children ignored him utterly, running around him after a ball, breezing right past him as they jumped hopscotch, never looking at him.

Kadaj looked around, and caught his breath.

He saw two familiar figures, although how he could be seeing both of them at the same time, he didn't understand. On a bench near the fence sat Loz as Kadaj had seen him last—dressed in black, his short white hair smoothed back. He sat hunched forward with his arms folded on his knees, staring dully out at the playground without seeing. He was motionless.

On the other side of the playground, in a corner near the fence, Kadaj saw a familiar little boy. Straight white hair in a bowl cut that hung in his eyes, small and thin but with a square jaw and very familiar bright green eyes—bright green, but otherwise ordinary, with a round pupil.

_That's Loz, too! There are two of them? Now what am I supposed to do?_

The little boy was staring wistfully at the children playing, but he made no move to join them. When other children came near him, they brushed past him roughly, making him stumble, but they didn't acknowledge him.

Suddenly the strangeness of the city made sense to Kadaj. _That's how he's seeing himself…_

Slowly Kadaj walked over to the silent, staring Loz. "Loz?" he whispered. "It's me. It's Kadaj."

Loz didn't move; he didn't even blink. Kadaj put his hand on Loz's shoulder and shook him a little. Nothing; he could've been shaking a department store mannequin.

Across the playground, the little-boy Loz picked himself up after being carelessly knocked down by two bigger boys as they ran after a stray basketball. His small face was twisted with tears, but he scrubbed them away with grubby fists, and his face grew stony. He looked down at the ground, spotted a small piece of abandoned sidewalk chalk, and crouched, starting to draw on the asphalt.

Kadaj looked angrily around him for Zack, but the other man was still nowhere to be seen. "What do I do?" he demanded. "He can't even hear me, how do I talk to him?"

Loz's blank face suddenly tightened.

Three larger boys converged on the little-boy Loz. "You're not allowed to draw here," sneered one boy. "Gimme that chalk."

The boy Loz stood up nervously. "I found it. It's mine."

One of the boys slipped behind him and grabbed his shoulders, and the sneering boy lunged forward to hit Loz. He tried to dodge out of the way, but the boy's punch connected with his cheekbone. The third boy kicked Loz in the knee, making it buckle, and the boy behind Loz pushed him onto the ground.

Kadaj looked at the older Loz and saw his eyes squeezed tightly shut, a tear trickling down his face. He looked at the bullying boys, snarled, and strode across the playground—but when he took a swing at the sneering boy, it went directly through the boy's torso. Laughing, the sneering boy kicked boy-Loz in the side, making him curl up with a low cry that made Kadaj set his teeth.

_Adapt to your environment._

It only took an instant. Then the sneering boy, about to kick Loz again, suddenly found himself hooked by the ankle of the foot he was standing on; he tumbled to the asphalt.

The other two boys jumped back, and Kadaj saw they were looking directly at him now. He was now only their size, but he bared his teeth anyway. "Where the hell did _he_ come from?" the smaller of them yelled.

Kadaj glanced briefly down at himself. Black t-shirt, black jeans, black sneakers and a black leather jacket. He smirked at his child-sized hands, and cracked his knuckles as he looked at the two bullies; their leader was only just sitting up, a large scrape on his cheek and forehead. "You don't choose your enemies very well," he said, hearing his voice come out higher and lighter.

"None of your business, squirt!" said the bigger boy, and he lunged at Kadaj. Kadaj moved out of the path of his charge and kicked him ruthlessly in the side, and then, as his target stumbled, he kicked the boy in the lower back. Gasping in pain, the boy went to his knees.

The other two boys looked at him warily now. Kadaj cracked the knuckles of his other hand and took a step toward them, grinning. They broke and ran. The injured boy staggered to his feet and followed at a limping pace.

Kadaj turned to the boy-Loz, who was sitting up and staring at him with open-mouthed astonishment. "Well, get up, stupid," Kadaj said, crossing his arms in front of him. "You'd think I never taught you anything."

Slowly the boy-Loz got to his feet. "…Kadaj?" He sounded dazed, as if he'd been asleep.

"Of course, who else would it be? C'mon, we've got to get out of here." He stuck out his child-size hand toward Loz.

Loz stared at it, then turned his head to look at the children still playing on the playground. They seemed distant now, the voices faraway. "I just wanted to play with them once," he mumbled. "Just once."

Kadaj opened his mouth, then closed it. None of the three of them had ever been normal, but of the three of them, Loz had always tried the hardest, and he had taken it the hardest when people had rejected them, until they'd all grown hardened to it.

_At least, I _thought _he did…_

Loz took a step back toward the playground. In sudden alarm, Kadaj grabbed his shoulder, and Loz looked back at him.

"You don't need them," Kadaj said quickly. "You've got me. And Yazoo." He felt a twinge; they didn't have _time_ for this, if Yazoo was really in worse trouble than Loz.

Loz's eyes brightened a little, and he looked around. "Yazoo? Is he here?"

Kadaj shook his head, tense with impatience. "He's—he's waiting for us. We've got to go get him. We have to hurry." He glanced past Loz to the playground. It was deserted now, the background starting to blur and fade a little, as if a thick drizzle were falling. "We can…play later. After we get Yazoo."

Loz pulled his eyes away from the dimming playground to look at Kadaj. Then he nodded. He walked toward the adult Loz, still motionless on the bench. The closer boy-Loz got to the bench, the more his form seemed to fade, until he turned and sat on the bench, in the exact same spot as his adult self, and vanished.

For the first time, the adult Loz stirred. He looked up at Kadaj, and then he stood up. "Let's go get Yazoo."

Before Kadaj could reply, he heard quick footsteps, and they both turned. Zack was crossing the asphalt of the playground briskly. The grim look on his face chilled Kadaj. "Good, you did it," he said. "We've got to move. Yazoo's in serious trouble, and if we don't get him out quickly, we're going to lose him."

--

_--What? What is it?_

_-It's Yazoo. I think we've just run out of time. _

_--What happened?_

_-I'm not sure. Things went from bad to worse in a hurry. He's starting to lose all sense of himself, and he's past where I can reach him. I hope I didn't trigger it. I was only watching, but..._

_--What's done is done. I'll go get Kadaj; even if he hasn't gotten Loz out, it'll be better than nothing._

_-Be very careful. It's awful in there. Even I couldn't find my way around. I hope Kadaj can._

_--Yeah. Me too._

--

**End Chapter 5**

--


	7. Rebellion

Disclaimer: I don't own Kadaj, or he'd be a lot more cooperative, the little punk. Don't sue me, this is just for fun and I don't claim ownership of the FF7/Advent Children characters, world, etc.

Warnings: Minor violence and bad language. And the plot twist is all my muse's fault.

---

Open Hands

**Chapter 6: Rebellion**

---

Kadaj was lost.

Cold wind rushed violently around him, snaking down his collar to chill him, trying to push him off his feet. Tiny pellets of ice showered him and Loz with each gust, stinging Kadaj's skin. It wasn't completely dark, but it was dim. He couldn't seem to find any point of reference anywhere, except for the ground—if it was the ground—under his feet, and the hard grip of his hand on Loz's arm.

Zack had opened the doorway; Kadaj and Loz had stepped through, and almost immediately Kadaj had been flung into oblivion as though he'd jumped from a high cliff. Flailing frantically, he'd found something solid with his fingers—Loz's arm—and seized it. He wasn't sure how long or how far they'd fallen, but they'd suddenly met the ground with a jolt that had almost made Kadaj lose his hold on Loz.

Being on (presumably) solid ground hadn't helped much. It was all Kadaj could do to stay on his feet; the surface he was standing on, whatever it was, was slippery with the falling ice and every small step made him stagger. Kadaj's face, and his fingers even inside their gloves, were turning numb with the cold.

_Zack! _he shouted with all the force he could muster, trying to keep his balance. But it was no good. When he'd entered Loz's reality, he'd been able to sense Zack somewhere nearby. As soon as he and Loz had been whipped into this maelstrom that was supposed to be Yazoo's reality, Kadaj had lost that sense, as he'd lost all other sense of direction.

_He betrayed us,_ a small, cold corner of his mind whispered. _He never meant to help any of us. He threw us in here on purpose and he's going to leave us here._

It made horrible sense to Kadaj. _How can I adapt to this? There's no way I can change to find my way through this!_

He thought he heard Loz shouting something, but the wind was screeching and whistling in his ears and Kadaj couldn't catch a single word. He gritted his teeth. He was angry, and even as his anger built, the wind seemed to pick up, hurling a fresh torrent of ice pellets—he stumbled, backward into Loz, and they both fell onto the cold, hard ground. Kadaj put his arm over his face to keep the ice and wind out of his eyes. They were stinging. _Maybe we never had a chance._

---

_-What happened?_

_---They got in, but he shut me out. You were right. It's pretty bad in there. I don't know if they're going to be able to find him. _

_-We can't risk going back in. If he's pushed far enough, he might even take them down with him._

_---You didn't mention that little wrinkle._

_-I didn't think it would go so bad so quickly. _

_---Will Kadaj be able to do it?_

_-I think so. But for the most part, he's on his own._

_---I hate this._

_-I know._

_---Did I do enough?_

_-You did all you could._

_---Some consolation._

---

_Someone was here._

_Someone was coming. It made him laugh, even though it hurt to laugh. It hurt to do anything. It hurt _not _to do anything. It hurt no matter what._

_He didn't know where he was. He wasn't even sure _who _he was. It was cold, it was dark, and until now, he'd been alone. It hurt to be alone, but he thought someone else being here would hurt even more._

_I don't want anyone here._

_Go away. Go away. Go away._

---

"_Go away!"_

Kadaj's head snapped upright in spite of the harsh wind in his eyes. The voice had been faint, so faint Kadaj wasn't sure how he could have heard it over the rush of the wind. But it was a voice he could never mistake. "Yazoo?" he tried to call, and choked on the ice pellets that flew down his throat as soon as he opened his mouth.

His hand on Loz's arm had gone numb, but he felt Loz sit up and huddle close to him. He heard Loz try to shout something over the wind, but the sound was whipped mercilessly away. Kadaj gritted his teeth, gathered his feet under him, and dragged himself back to his feet. It took all his strength; Loz hunkered behind him, holding on to his other arm.

The wind seemed to redouble, the ice showered down, and they were both pressed down to the hard ground again. Kadaj snarled in frustration. _Yazoo, you idiot. I'm here to help you, what the hell are you doing?_

As if it had sensed his thoughts, the wind blew even harder; the ice pellets seemed to grow larger, striking him like ball bearings and leaving bruises. He winced, and put an arm over his head.

"_The difference is that where we're going to go, that isn't going to work."_

It was as though Zack were speaking beside Kadaj's ear, but Kadaj still had no sense of his presence anywhere nearby. He scowled. _Loz's reality wasn't that complicated. Makes sense, since he doesn't have a complicated mind. All I had to do was turn myself into a kid. What am I supposed to do here—turn myself into sleet? At this rate, that's going to happen whether I want it to or not!_

That thought gave him a weird feeling—as if he'd tripped over the right answer by accident.

_Which means what—that I should just let us be blown away? I can't see what's out there. I could get pulped before I even knew what hit me._

Very true…but huddling here on the ground was getting them nowhere, in any sense of the phrase.

A slight crooked smile twisted his lips. _Let's see what happens. _He turned, taking a fresh, firm hold on Loz's arms. They'd always had a certain level of communication that didn't require speech, but now he attempted to send thought directly to his brother, the way he'd spoken to Zack when he'd taken bird form. _Loz. I'm going to try something. Trust me, hang on tight as you can, and don't let go no matter what. _

There was no verbal response, but he felt Loz's grip tighten until it hurt. Loz was stronger than he was; he would be better able to hang on through the buffeting Kadaj suspected they were about to take. He closed his eyes again.

_We are nothing. We are lighter than clouds. We are part of the wind. We blow where it blows. _

He no longer felt the solid "ground" beneath them, and it gave him an instant of vertigo, but he forced himself to keep focus. _We follow the wind. We let it carry us. We go where it takes us. _

Opposing winds were beginning to blow, tossing them in one direction, then another. Kadaj felt Loz's hands tightening even more in fear, and for a moment Kadaj lost his focus again, realizing he was equally as terrified.

And that he was beginning to fall again.

Suddenly a furious gale of wind came at them, then another—and another—coming from all different directions, wrenching at Loz's grip on him until he cried out in pain, inaudibly in the deafening rush. _Follow— _he thought frantically. _We follow—carry us—_

The wrenching grew less; they seemed to blow in whatever direction the wind took them again. Kadaj started to relax. _Well, that was—_

A ferocious gust seemed to blow up between them—and he felt Loz torn from him.

_NO!! _He flailed in the air, his focus vanishing, and then suddenly the winds vanished, and he was simply falling, the only moving air coming from below him as he plummeted. A dull blue glow began to grow around him, a dark expanse materialized below, and he remembered in time to change form again, becoming a gray bird, floating instead of falling.

He was circling above another city, but this one was a ruin. No structure was left standing. The piles of rubble were traced with deep fissures; the blue glow issued up from the cracks. Ice glazed everything, and the warm feathers of his current form didn't seem to keep the chill out.

Kadaj came to a careful landing on a sturdy-looking chunk of concrete. He reverted to human form, huddling on the flat surface and shivering from more than cold. _Loz! _he cried out, trying to send the call as far as it would go. "Loz!" he shouted aloud.

There was no reply, only the chilly silence, and tears stung Kadaj's eyes. Was Loz still out in the sleetstorm somewhere, or had he fallen somewhere else in this ruin? He switched back to bird form, taking flight over the ruined buildings. He couldn't see any sky above—only a sullen, not quite-black darkness like a bowl over the broken cityscape. Every beat of his wings in the motionless cold seemed to tire him, as though there were weights on them.

He had to find Loz, who would be terrified without him. He had to find Yazoo, who, Zack had said, was almost out of time to be saved. _Damn it, I can't do both at once! _He pictured Loz, trying to struggle through that sleet storm—or even through this freezing, forbidding maze—without him. Alone, frightened. Thinking Kadaj had abandoned him.

_But Zack said that Yazoo controls this reality, like Loz did the other one. If I can get Yazoo, then the two of us can get Loz._

And if he failed to find Loz before Yazoo slipped away entirely, they might be trapped here forever, with no way out.

Still in the bird form he'd taken, Kadaj circled above the ruined city. He saw nothing moving, nothing living. The place chilled him in more ways than one. He'd always known Yazoo had a darker outlook than either he or Loz. But he'd never known this aching-cold place existed inside his brother.

_Or maybe it didn't, until he died, and found himself here all by himself…_

Kadaj pushed that thought away. Movement caught his eye, and he coasted for a moment, looking down. His hawk form, he found, gave him the almost supernatural eyesight of a bird of prey.

A figure dressed in black, with long silver hair, picked its way slowly through the debris below.

_Yazoo! _Kadaj dove before he could think twice, soaring toward the familiar figure, his heart swelling in relief.

The second thoughts came only when the figure below him loked up, narrowed his eyes, and brought his weapon to point directly at Kadaj.

For a few endless seconds, Kadaj stared stupidly into the barrels of Yazoo's gun. Then he saw Yazoo's finger move on the trigger, and at the last moment, he wheeled away. _He's really going to—_

The gun went off with an unnaturally loud crack in the stillness, and pain ripped through Kadaj's left wing. He screamed, the cry coming out as a hawk's shrill keen. Then he was falling again, back in human form, feeling blood from his left arm soaking his coat sleeve.

He cried out again when he hit the ground, a human scream this time. He lay sprawled on his back, too dzed from pain and shock to move. He heard booted footsteps approaching, crunching through what sounded like a gravel of crushed concrete and broken glass.

_He didn't know it was me… _Kadaj sat up, slowly and painfully, pushing up on his good right arm, the bleeding left pressed to his chest. His back and shoulder ached where he'd landed on them. He'd never found out from Zack what he was supposed to do if he got hurt in one of these false realities. He hadn't even been sure he _could_ be hurt…

Yazoo came into sight around a large pile of rubble. The gun was still gripped firmly in his hand. His cold, blank green eyes fell on Kadaj with no sign of recognition. He leveled the gun again.

_What? But he can't—wait— _Kadaj stared back, tearing his gaze away from those dark gun barrels and looking up at Yazoo's hard eyes. "Yazoo, don't," he whispered. "It's me. It's Kadaj."

A flicker of expression touched the icy face, and Kadaj started to try to push himself to his feet. He froze again when Yazoo's lip curled, his eyes narrowing. His brother shook his head once.

"Kadaj is dead."

The gun fired. Kadaj could hear nothing, but he saw it in slow motion. The flash, the smoke, the bullets coming at him. When they struck, he felt no pain, though he felt himself flung backward.

_No…_

---

_The intruder was dead._

_Smirking, he made his way toward the body. Another cheat, did they think he was stupid? Kadaj was dead, Yazoo had seen him die at Big Brother's hands. Well, now the imposter could have a taste of being dead, and how would they like it?_

_He approached and stood over the body that looked like Kadaj's. He'd felt them watching him, playing with him. It was another of their lies. He folded his arms, looking down._

_The body didn't change._

_He stared down at it, and backed away a step. It still couldn't be what it looked like, he insisted to himself. Kadaj was already dead._

_The body lay still. It didn't change, and blood was leaking out of the corner of its mouth, congealing quickly in the icy air. _

_He began to shake, with anger and fear. What kind of trick was this, to make him think he'd shot Kadaj? Whoever they were, he hated them, and if they'd just let him go, it could be over, and he could sleep._

_He just wanted to sleep…_

---

Loz jolted painfully upright, panting. He looked around frantically. He was sitting in a pile of something that felt and looked like rocks. The sky was dark, but blue light was coming up from the ground around him. He shook his head, trying to remember what had happened.

"Kadaj!" He jumped up and staggered as a stone rolled under his foot, barely catching himself on a big jagged boulder. He leaned on it, panting, and looked around. He couldn't see anyone, anywhere.

Kadaj had come and gotten him from the playground. They'd gone to get Yazoo. They'd gone into a storm. Kadaj had told him to hold on and not to let go…

He swallowed. _I lost him. _He looked around again, but he didn't see Kadaj anywhere. And his chest hurt, so it hurt to breathe.

Loz swallowed fear, and forced himself back to his feet. _Kadaj has to be here somewhere_, he told himself.

All Loz had to do was find him. Taking another fearful look around, his breath puffing white in the cold air, Loz started walking.

---

**End Chapter 6**

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